In my previous post I asked the following five questions. Thank you to all those who took the time to answer some or all of them. Some of your answers are below.
Readers Answers.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
“Infidelity. I’ve watched several couples try to recover from that breach of trust and even when they’ve managed to stay together, their relationship is never the same again.” – Greg.
“I think some things are unforgivable. For example if someone hurt or killed one of my children, I don’t think I would ever have it in me to forgive them.”- Mike CJ
“Nothing…to be quite blunt. If God, my creator can forgive me each time I ask – then what’s my story. I believe my Christian faith has also has a part to play in getting to this level.” – John Luffa.
“People with purely evil intentions and get pleasure from them are unforgivable in my opinion because they’re so stuck on their own beliefs that they can’t see the perspective of what other people are going through.” – Tristan Lee
“That’s a hard one. I’ve heard stories of families forgiving someone who murdered their loved one, but I’m not sure I could. I think some of the “sick” crimes like rape, abduction, molestation, etc would be awfully hard to forgive. I know that God forgives all, and we should too, but dang! It’s hard sometimes!” – Erica Mueller.
“Everything is forgivable. Some offenses may take longer time than others. In the cases of horrific crimes, it can be nearly impossible. But I know at the end of the day I can’t judge someone, no matter how bad they’ve hurt me or a loved one. That is God’s job.” – Ryan
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
“I divorce myself from the situation and mentally, focus on how I feel and release those feelings when I offer forgiveness. The details are less important than the way I feel about them.” -Michael
“I think you have to make up your mind to be bigger than the problem or wrong and to rise above the bitterness and find within yourself the grace to show mercy. Not easy by any means!” – Erica Mueller
“I tend to weigh up if they have thought through their actions and if there is repentance or remorse then forgiveness is easy. If not and there is chance they will repeat their actions and continue to hurt people then forget it. I try not to hold grudges against people who screw me around because they are negative and eat away. Many years ago I was participating in a shamanic workshop and was taught how to release these sorts of feelings to the universe – guess it’s like a psychological landfill.” – Kevin Tea
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
“We tend to cling to how we are affected, our pain, our ego and pride and in those thoughts our feelings begin to escalate and emotion takes over.” – Michael.
“Because it affects us so emotionally that it’s not so easy just to take logical actions and say we will forgive someone.” – Tristan Lee
“It’s hard to forgive because it’s painful. We are not talking about physical pain here, but a pain deep within which can’t be easily switch off or numbed. – John Luffa
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
“No, if I feel someone has remorse there is no need to expect them to grovel. Forgiving someone without making a big “do” of it is better than making them grovel or otherwise demean them.” – Kevin Tea
“Personally I only forgive someone if they seem to either want it or need it for their own well being and if it suits my own. And I am talking about something not connected to the point above here. I certainly would not go out of my way to search them out and offer it. They had a choice not to create a situation where it would be necessary in the first place. I do not feel that I am in a position to walk up to them and ask them if they want my forgiveness. Who am I to do that?” – Chris Downing
“I don’t think it’s important the person ask. Forgiveness is more for ourselves rather than the other person. When we don’t forgive, we hold bitterness inside, and it will eat us up. Forgiving allows us to move past the wrong that has been done so that we can live fulfilling lives, whether the wrong doer deserved, asked for, or accepted the forgiveness or not.” – Erica Mueller
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
“For me, I’ve always tended to lean toward the reconciliation side of things. Having said that, there have been times when people know they have wronged you and want to act as though it never happened. Those are the times when I usually disengage because I feel like you’re playing me for a sap.” – Jimi Jones
“In most cases, forgiveness humbles the offending party. So my answer is yes, I would forgive in love knowing that someday the person will mend their ways.” – John Luffa.
“Depends on why they are doing it. I’d like to think most of the time I am capable of handling it in a positive manner and I am a great believer in what goes around comes around.” – Kevin Tea.
Forgiveness Is Selfish.
It was very interesting to see the mixed responses to the first question of whether there is anything that is unforgivable. It seemed for some that when it came to the physical harm of children, it would be hard for some to forgive.
I was interested to see that most thought that forgiveness is more for the person being wronged, than the person in the wrong. I think it makes sense, that until you truly forgive, you’ll always be carrying the bitterness around with you. Perhaps by doing that you’re giving the person who wronged you power over you. So, it would appear that forgiveness is selfish. Even if it is, I believe that it’s a good kind of selfishness. If more people forgave, there would be a lot more happier people in the world.
Even though I know one should forgive, I don’t know how I’d react if I was terribly wronged. Sometimes, I think the Charles Bronson approach in the “Death Wish” movies, where he went around killing the street scum who raped and murdered his daughter and wife, would bring about a sense of justice, which may deal with some of the pain. Just thinking, not certain.
What about justice?
Questions For You To Answer:
1. How do you think justice fits into our modern world?
2. Do you think the individual(s) wronged should have the right to bring about justice themselves?
3. Do you think there is a power in the universe that will bring about justice in this life or the next?
4. Any other thoughts on forgiveness or justice?
Please share your answers in the comments section below. Thank you.
Video.
Here’s a very short video to lighten the mood. It’s about a female refusing to forgive and instead dishing out justice. It should bring a smile to your face.
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G'day! I'm Gordie, founder and editor-in-chief of Lifestyle Design For You. I want to welcome you to the center of the universe when it comes to lifestyle design and personal development blogs. We're a team of ten writers providing you with articles to help nourish your mind and improve your life. Lifestyle design is about designing your life so you can do what you want when you want. 
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Gordie. How’s your day? Here are my answers to your questionaire.
1. Without justice, our world would go into chaos. There would be an increase in things such as crime and rape. The wealthy would take exploit the poor even more and murder rates would increase as there is nothing to stop people from what they want to do besides their own code of ethics.
2. Sometimes our emotions take over our minds. This causes us to do stupid things because of revenge. There are many cases where people who are wrong will go out and kill the person who wronged them. Is this justice? To them – yes. But justice has just costed them two lives.
3. In Chinese culture, there is a belief called Karma. If you live this life doing something good for society, you will turn into one of the God’s in the next life. If you live life this harming and taking advantage of others, you will have no life in the next and turn into an inanimate object like a tree or a rock.
4. Society shouldn’t only revolved around justice. There would be too many rules to follow. Nobody would be happy.
We should try our best to forgive others to the best our ability. This helps letting go our past and moving on to a happier future easier.
P.S. That video made my day. Justice is served!
Hi Tristan,
You’re quick off the bat today.
What religion is that you mention in number 3? I think Chinese Buddhism (at least some branches) have the concept of Hell, too. Is it Taoism? I鈥檓 not very clued up on Chinese religion. Thanks.
Hey Gordie.
Your point about forgiving being selfish is a great way to put it. I forgive, forget, and get back to my activities. There is too little time to be scheming at how to get someone back. For those really wanting to get someone back, forgiving is also the best way for that. It fits both ends of the spectrum. It helps both people involved, and shows maturity.
1. Justice is what we get when we mix human desire for fairness with human desire for unfair control. The persons making the rules, or enforcing them, have a much larger part in determining what we accept as appropriate justice. It is good to be one of those individuals, so that justice is better suited for us.
2. Wronged individuals have a right to seek what they see as justice, knowing at the same time that they will be battling against others and the global norms set by precedent, just as much as others have a right to protect against what they see as action based on an incorrect interpretation of justice.
3. Justice occurs instantly, or is maintained soon enough after an action.
4. Forgiveness is a victory. You won’t see someone regret forgiving someone, but you will see them regretting holding a grudge with them for a long while. As far as justice, I usually tend to bring up this example in relation to fairness. If there are two people and one orange(item of nourishment), and one of the two eats the orange while the other person is thinking about how to be fair and share it, and the first one is then able to live and procreate while the other one goes hungry, justice might not have been shown, but the person defending what they thought of as justice is then out of the gene pool. I would say this occurs often on a less direct scale. The person wanting to share could force sharing upon the other, but then would soon realize his strength, and later could choose not to share, and then he would be the one saying what is just and what is not.
Thanks for the cool material to think about and discuss.
Hi Armen,
Thanks for the deep thoughts.
I think justice is a really tough concept because different cultures and different individuals can have huge differences in what it means. Some believe that the death penalty is the only justice deserving for a murder, while others think it’s unjust and wrong to put any human to death, even murderers. One’s head can explode just thinking about it.
Hello Gordie. Forgiveness is definitely for yourself. Because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to let them into your life, interact with them, or anything else. It’s just a way of letting go of the past and getting on with your life.
I have to agree with you even though I don’t know how I’d deal with it extreme situations. Thanks, Stephen.
1. How do you think justice fits into our modern world?
Justice or a justice system is a must. The world would become a living hell without such.
2. Do you think the individual(s) wronged should have the right to bring about justice themselves?
If the individual is allowed to mete out justice, it may be tainted with their own emotions and interpretations.
3. Do you think there is a power in the universe that will bring about justice in this life or the next?
I do, it’s the law of nature and the creator thereof.
4. Any other thoughts on forgiveness or justice?
The strong individual will have the power to forgive, without justice having taken place.
This was a nice thought provoking series, Gordie.
Hey Jimi,
Interesting you mention a justice system. I think these days what were previously legal and justice systems and just now legal systems. Lawyers get guilty people off on technicalities even though they know that’s not justice being served.
Right you are. I know in the US, we have the best justice system money can buy
1. How do you think justice fits into our modern world?
- I think there are a lot of injustice that occur on a daily basis, but I’m not sure if humans have evolved enough to bring justice to all aspects of our modern world.
2. Do you think the individual(s) wronged should have the right to bring about justice themselves?
- I’ve always liked the idea of a vigilante.
Hi Ken,
1. I agree that justice is such a tough issue. I don’t think humans are very good at dishing it out.
2. Me too. Lol!
3. No, sadly I don’t believe in powers that will dish out justice to those who deserve it in this life or the next.
I used to love the idea of karma but then I got hung up on bad things happening to good people and realised that there is no such thing. Good people get run over, cancer or lose their loved ones. It’s bad luck and similarly bad people often get away with murder, literally sometimes. Of course I try to do my share of good deeds, smile at people but no matter how saintly you are it doesn’t guarantee you a worry free life.
Loved the cvat video by the way, except I thought ginger cats were always toms so I reckon it’s the guy giving her a hard time, not the other way round:) What a bully!
Hi Annabel.
I also don’t believe in karma in general. Sometimes shit just happens randomly.
I also think the cat is a male. He’s much bigger than the other one. He is a bully!
On Forgiveness: You are right. Refusing to forgive, gives the wrong doer power over you. Forgive, and move on!!
Thanks, Erica.
Nice post Gordie,
I forgive you for not mentioning any of my comments.
Now is that selfish or true forgiveness.
Seriously, I don;t think forgiveness is about oneself, it’s about the other person. However, to not forgive is painful, but more so to yourself.
I absolutely believe in justice for all. There can be forgiveness and justice. Forgiveness does to lack justice.
I believe there is a supreme judge, who will judge the world one day, who is also the supreme forgiver. That being God.
I don;t think individual should bring about justice themselves but they have a right to expect justice to be served.
Hi Robert,
I knew that you’d forgive me.
Thanks for your comments and bringing a different perspective.
Gordie,
Thanks for including my comment up top
This is a great topic. I feel that life is like a backboard. Whatever you dish out comes back to you in some, way, shape, or form. Call it karma, the law of attraction, God, or whatever.
Most carry the idea that a person could actually “get away” with something. Murder, rape, or any violent crime is a horrifying act. If not punished swiftly it appears as if there was no justice. But this is an impossibility. All of the sages throughout human history have repeated time and again that there is always a balance. The problem is that most judge according to appearances. If no death penalty or life-long term the person got away with it. There has to be some act in our eyes, something that we can perceive with our limited senses that we associate with the concept of “justice.”
IThere’s an invisible force that no person can comprehend which administers what humans might call justice in its own way. The criminal may be “free” and appear to be happy but you can’t cheat the universe. This happens time and again. Offenders die horrible deaths, become outcasts, or rot away in prison. Or the persons appears to have lived a charmed life. But you can’t escape karma and you can’t be in that person’s mind. Who knows the mental hell which some of these people go through, or where they’re headed in the after-life?
It’s tough to understand because humans like to judge, and when in the unimaginable emotional state of having lost a loved one to a violent crime, unless the offernder’s life is taken, there is no justice in the person’s eyes. But a person’s judgement and the PERFECT nature of the universe are 2 infinitely different things.
Christ, Buddha, Lao Tse, Plato, Aristotle. These people were more in tune with universal laws than any being in existence. Their thoughts weren’t corrupted by other’s viewpoints. They were Real Thinkers who spoke Truths, and they stated again and again that you can’t escape certain universal laws. Karma/LOA is one of these laws.
Hi Ryan,
Interesting ideas. Thanks for contributing.
I don’t think forgiveness is all about ones self. When you ask for forgiveness you just don’t do it for yourself but because you realize that your actions have hurt someone.
I once wrote an article on this very subject. As I said in my article: When we ask for forgiveness it is a sign that we have realized the hurt and grief that we have caused someone and we truly do apologize. It is the first step to taking responsibility for our own actions.
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Hi Rose,
I was coming at it from the opposite direction talking about forgiving others. I meant that forgiving others has selfish benefits for ourselves. It’s a good thing.