People say that you must learn to forgive. However, even though it may be right, it’s much easier to say than to do.
Questions For You To Answer.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
Please take the time to answer some or all five of the questions above in the comments section below. It will really help me construct part 2 of this series.
Thank you.
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G'day! I'm Gordie, founder and editor-in-chief of Lifestyle Design For You. I want to welcome you to the center of the universe when it comes to lifestyle design and personal development blogs. We're a team of ten writers providing you with articles to help nourish your mind and improve your life. Lifestyle design is about designing your life so you can do what you want when you want. 
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
Forgiveness is by far the toughest thing to do. To my mind it’s one of those things that comes easily when you focus outwardly. When we think about ourselves only, it becomes impossible to forgive. I’ve been wronged more times than I care to remember as a lot of us have but I find it a lot easier to forgive when thinking less about how everything affects me. I also value highly the fact that I carry no hatred or ill feeling with me through my life. Forgiveness is about letting go of the baggage:
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
No, I believe it is up to each individual to deal with their own actions me it doesn’t help me carrying ill will toward others.
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
I divorce myself from the situation and mentally, focus on how I feel and release those feelings when I offer forgiveness. The details are less important than the way I feel about them
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
We tend to cling to how we are affected, our pain, our ego and pride and in those thoughts our feelings begin to escalate and emotion takes over.
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
I value the fact that I carry no hate or ill feeling in with me through life I offer forgiveness freely
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
I do forgive them however people who continually wrong me tend not to survive in my social circle for long. If someone has such little regard for me I don’t see myself investing any more time in them than I have to.
Thanks for the awesome answers, Michael. I like your idea of looking outward more to help forgiving.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
In the heat of the moment, yes I do and several things at that….but when the calm has settled in and I think with a cool mind, all these things that seem unforgivable actually contract to the trifles that they really are in the big picture of life. They seem insignificant, small and I just think of them as little dots on life’s large canvas.
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
I use different strategies at different times, depending on the circumstances:
a) Convince myself that I will not allow the other person or their action to affect me or my actions;
b) Try to get to the root of the behaviour i.e. empathise, in order to understand why the other person might have done what they did;
c) Convince myself that what happened was not important in the otherwise wonderful relationship;
d) To forgive is only relevant when the other person also feels that they have wronged against you. Sometimes I just forgive people in my mind and carry on.
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
Because of our EGO – my feelings, my pain, my hurt, my pride etc etc. It is all about me, my, mine…
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
I would forgive them regardless, but only say it to them when they ask for forgiveness. This is because, saying “I forgive you” to a person who does not realise that they’ve done something wrong to you, does not work. In fact, it might rub the other person the wrong way.
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
The best way to “forgive” such people is to just ignore them and not make them a part of my life. I will carry on my life as if they do not exist or matter.
Thanks for the detailed response Amrita. It seems that ego seems to play some role in hindering forgiveness.
Infidelity. I’ve watched several couples try to recover from that breach of trust and even when they’ve managed to stay together, their relationship is never the same again.
Amrita is right. A lot of its about ego. Blows to the ego can be forgiven. Breaches of trust are much, much more difficult, because trust is difficult to earn and easy to lose.
Hey Greg,
Infidelity is an interesting one, because to most people it’s unforgivable and yet there are some people who are able to live with someone in an open relationship. Fascinating.
Thanks for the comment.
Gordie.
This is a really interesting subject to me. When you don’t forgive people, you are usually the one that suffers. I had a roommate in college who really screwed me over after 4 years of being friends. For years, I held a grudge against him. I still won’t ever be friends with him, but somewhere I finally decided it was time to let go of the anger. For me alot of my resentment towards many people in my life manifested in the form of bad health. I think it’s so important to let go of that.
It’s known that bitterness can lead to all sorts of health problems. However, people seem to be willing to take that risk.
I’m going to disagree here. I think some things are unforgivable. For example if someone hurt or killed one of my children, I don’t think I would ever have it in me to forgive them.
Hi Mike,
I haven’t decided yet what I think exactly. I just asked 5 open-ended questions. I’m interested in hearing what others have to say.
To err is human to forgive is Godly.
But that’s why we aren’t God, because we find it so difficult to forgive where God would.
In a crime ridden country where such bad things are done to children, I find myself questioning what I would do if such act were done to my kids.
We are encouraged to forgive, but only when we find ourselves in that situation will we know what we are capable of.
Forgiveness does not mean no responsibility and freedom from judgement. You can forgive and yet still expect justice and judgement.
Anything can be forgiven. I don’t think it is our place to do otherwise.
That does not mean it is extremely difficult in many situations. We can list many but that’s not the point.
As I said to Mike, forgiveness does not mean lack of responsibility, freedom from justices etc.
Forgiveness is much about yourself as it is about others.
Would you expect people to forgive you.
I don’t know how I would react or if I would be able to forgive in certain situations. For example, here in South Africa, atrocities and evils beyond understanding are committed against children. If something like that were to happen to my kids. Well lets just say I have no idea as to how I would react. I know how I should react.
Ultimately forgiveness belongs to God doesn’t it. “Forgive others as GOd for Christ sake has forgiven you”
Wow, that’s a heavy video.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
Although most difficult, there are some situations where forgiving is the best path back to freedom from the offense and offender. When we don’t forgive and take back that freedom from that particular situation, we can become bitter which generates negative energy. This is surely easier to write about than to actually do.
The unforgivable are people who do horrible things to women and children, rapist, murderers, molesters, terrorist. I draw the line in “concrete” there. Let God sort these not-fit-for-society types out.
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
Another situational answer. It depends, sometimes I let them know that they’ve been forgiven so we can both move on, while other times I just sever the offense mentally. In the end, it’s the fact that you’ve moved on that’s most important as opposed to how you got there.
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
There are a number of reason related to human nature like pride, revenge, extreme mental trauma and a host of others. Once we get past the emotions of being hurt or pissed or both, we should try to remember that the offending person has taken away your positive energy and forced you toward darkness and negativity.
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
For me, I’ve always tended to lean toward the reconciliation side of things. Having said that, there have been times when people know they have wronged you and want to act as though it never happened. those are the times when I usually disengage because I feel like you’re playing me for a sap.
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
Strangely, this for me is the easiest to forgive. You’ve already demonstrated my value to you in life, which is obviously not very high, so you’re forgiven, along with myself for allowing this bozo to be a repeat offender in the first place.
Life’s funny, some people you know are just users and takers, going along through life with a scheme of getting over on someone else at all times. They are like windows, you keep you Windex handy so you can see what’s going on, all the while ready to pull the shade down in a heartbeat.
The one thing I’ve learned about this situation is this, a time will come along to revisit the matter, not in a vindictive or in your face way, but through normal conversation. Many things can be mended many months later when the timing is right and if not, life goes on.
It seems to me that when people don’t want your forgiveness, then the next practical thing we can do is disengage with them.
Thanks for commenting Jimi.
LOL – pardon my cut & paste errorm Gordie. Question 5 is out of order, like many offenders
No worries, I fixed it for you.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
Nothing…to be quite blunt
If God, my creator can forgive me each time I ask – then what’s my story.
I believe my Christian faith has also has a part to play in getting to this level.
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
This in most cases this will take time to do – I will start by removing any grudge I may have toward the individual.
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
Its hard to forgive because its painful. We are not talking about physical pain here, but a pain deep within which cant be easily switch off or numbed.
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
I would probably forgive first, but will make the other party aware I wasn’t happy – i.e. maybe sulk a bit.
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
Tough question….
I think the video clearly illustrates the answer to this. Forgiveness speaks volumes.
In most cases, forgiveness humbles the offending party. So my answer is yes, I would forgive in love knowing that someday the person will mend their ways.
Thanks for providing a Christian perspective. I’m not a Christian myself, but the one thing I believe Christianity has up on the other monotheistic religions is its emphasis on forgiveness.
Thanks, John.
Hi Gordie, nice post. I agree that it’s much easier said than done. It felt good doing this questionaire. Here are my answers to your questions.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
People with purely evil intentions and get pleasure from them are unforgivable in my opinion because their so stuck on their own beliefs that they can’t see the perspective of what other people are going through.
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
Try putting yourselves in their shoes. Asking why they did what they did? Putting a positive spin, as hard as it may be, to why people do bad things to others.
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
Because it affects us so emotionally that it’s not so easy just to take logical actions and say we will forgive someone.
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
Forgiveness should not be asked in my opinion. That’s contrived. Forgiveness needs to come from the heart.
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
Like number one, if someone only had purely evil intentions against me or other people, I could not go so far as to forgive them.
Hi Tristan,
That’s a great point you make in number three. It’s often because our emotions are so powerful that it’s hard to just use logic in those situations.Now, I guess that’s why Mike CJ said that if anyone harmed his children, he couldn’t forgive them. A parent’s emotions in regards to one children will probably be much stronger than logic, at least in the short-term.
A good one, Gordie.
I don’t believe forgiveness has anything to do with others, and everything to do with ourselves. I learned this from my parents. Not directly, but in my effort to “forgive” them after they passed on. Actually, I had written a letter to my dad some eight years before he passed away, telling him that he had done a marvelous job of instilling in me values to live by and that he should be free of any concerns or guilt regarding the matter.
On the other hand, I had trouble seeing the value my mother had provided me. It was not until after her passing that I was able to see that she did her best to raise me, the best she knew how, given her own struggles in life. It was at this point that I was able to forgive myself for my own limitations in not being able to see her love that showed to me. Since then, I hold no hard feelings about her behavior or her way of treating me.
I found an interesting article on White Hot Truth blog by Danielle LaPorte on forgiveness that I was able to relate to very well, that you might find interesting.
http://whitehottruth.com/white-hot/what-it-means-to-forgive/
Thanks for always stimulating my thoughts.
Rasheed
Hi Rasheed,
I think it’s great that people can still learn to forgive people after they’ve passed on. I think you’re right in that forgiveness is about you. If you don’t forgive someone and it’s eating you up then you’re destroying yourself.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
That’s a hard one. I’ve heard stories of families forgiving someone who murdered their loved one, but I’m not sure I could. I think some of the “sick” crimes like Rape, Abduction, Molestation, etc would be awfully hard to forgive. I know that God forgives all, and we should too, but dang! it’s hard sometimes!
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
I think you have to make up your mind to be bigger than the problem or wrong. To rise above the bitterness and find within yourself the grace to show mercy. Not easy by any means!
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
Because as human beings we tend to like holding the grudge. Forgiving means we have to let go of that.
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
I don’t think it’s important the person ask. Forgiveness is more for ourselves than the other person. When we don’t forgive, we hold bitterness inside, and it will eat us up. Forgiving allows us to move past the wrong that has been done so that we can live fulfilling lives, whether the wrong doer deserved, asked for, or accepted the forgiveness or not.
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you? I think there is a difference in forgiving and forgetting. I think it is important that we forgive, but if we know the person will continue to wrong us, we must remember to be careful how we handle the relationship.
He Erica,
I wonder if we like holding grudges because it gives us a sense of power of someone. I’m no expert.
Everything is forgivable. Some offenses may take longer time than others. In the cases of horrific crimes, it can be nearly impossible. But I know at the end of the day I can’t judge someone, no matter how bad they’ve hurt me or a loved on. That is God’s job.
When you don’t forgive, a bond between you and the offending parties forms. This bond is very strong and blocks you from receiving the greatest good until it’s dissolved. It needs to be done, no matter how painful.
Now do I have to continue forgiving? As long as they are in my life, yes. The question here is why would you keep someone in your life who you have to forgive constantly? You can release any human being on earth at the drop of a hat. Forgive does not mean “I free you to abuse me over and over.” It simply means that you’ve cleared things up between you and the universe. You’d be foolish to keep yourself in a situation – domestic, professional, or otherwise – where you constantly forgive someone who you perceive to be doing you wrong.
Forgive and release people who are no longer good for you. They are an attachment that needs to be cut free. There are about 4 billion people on earth to choose from.
Hi Ryan,
I like your idea of forgiving and releasing people who are no longer good for you. Thanks.
Well, I only have time to answer one of these questions now but they are great food for thought.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
I struggle to forgive people who sexually abuse children. It’s just so wrong and totally inexcusable even though I know that most of these predators were themselves abused as children and are simply repeating the pattern.
I think some people genuinely regret their mistakes but others don’t and simply pretend to be sorry when they have no intention of making changes to their lives.
It’s hard to forgive but harder still to forget.
Hi Annabel,
I feel forgiving is much easier than forgetting. It’s probably even unrealistic to forget ways in which they’ve majorly been wronged.
Gordie,
How do you measure empathy?
Could you really put yourself into the shoes/ mental frame of mind of a rapist, murderer or other offenders? Only when we can truly empathise can we forgive. To be able to empathise constructively we need to be able to fully understand the person/s, not just their actions or their motivation but WHO THEY ARE.
When Indian merchants robbed me of all my money in Thailand it took me a VERY long time to understand how they could do it, how they live with themselves, but it wasn’t until I put my feelings- (as Amrita says)- MY EGO, on hold was I able to quantify their life circumstances and put their culture, upbringing and personal decisions into perspective. In turn I was able to forgive and feel sorry for their circumstances, fortunate that mine were not so dire.
To empathise is to understand. To understand is to forgive.
I’ll never forget but look at who I’ve become because of it: stronger, wiser, spiritually more balanced. Now I am a better person for the loss and the hell I went through. Should I really be saying thank you?
Insightful post Gordie, looking forward to part 2.
Hi Caron,
Thanks for sharing your experience. When you say robbed, do you mean overcharged you substantially? If so, that’s common here in China to. In fact there is a saying in China when doing business, “Neng pian, jiu pian” It means that if you can cheat someone, then you should cheat them. I hope they eventually dump this mindset.
Hi Gordie, no I mean robbed- credit card swiped of ALL the cash! I arrived in Vancouver to discover I had only $200 cash on me and nothing else! Thanks for the quote too- I recently saw it on a Tim Ferris & co. video blog. Meant to grab it so appreciate that I now have it.
Caron.
Thanks for clarifying, Caron. Yes, I watched that video on Tim Ferriss’s site too about scammers in China. I knew most of that already, but still found it interesting seeing newbies like Kevin Rose been taken for a ride.
Bloody hell Gordie you come out with some toughies at times!
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
In the UK we have just had the case of a female nursery school worker who has been sexually assaulting babies in her care and distributing the photographs. Anyone who takes away a child’s innocence is beyond reproach and forgiveness.
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
I tend to weigh up if they have thought through their actions and if there is repentance or remorse then forgiveness is easy. If not and there is chance they will repeat their actions and continue to hurt people then forget it. I try not to hold grudges against people who screw me around because they are negative and eat away. Many years ago I was participating in a shamanic workshop and was taught how to release these sorts of feelings to the universe – guess it’s like a psychological landfill
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
Because of the enormity of what someone has done to adversely affect innocent people for their own selfish ends.
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
No, if I feel someone has remorse there is no need to expect them to grovel. Forgiving someone without making a big “do” of it is better than making them grovel or otherwise demean them.
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
Depends on why they are doing it. I’d like to think most of the time I am capable of handling it in a positive manner and I am a great believer in what goes around comes around.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for your answers. I think I’m noticing a trend that harming children seems to be harder to forgive than other wrongs.
In today’s society we live the life of the unrepenting fool. Some never forgive and walk the earth with an awesome weight that should have left ages ago. Some are like water is on a duck they forgive for life has to continue. The degrees of hurt or emotional scar is how we gage everything in life. Living a life with no forgivess creates a person that has no real feelings but they wil use others for personal gains.
If you look at what caused the scar and ask yourself did you start it and then it snowballed and you couldn’t stop it? Well most scars are started by a white lie and then it starts growing and then we live the lie. To forgive at times is to look at yourself as they do or place yourself in their place. Being dumped by another is life, not being honest to the one you love is a knife in the heart. As the video shows for you to progress with your life you really need to forgive so that you can get to the next step with no extra bagages, and with no remorse or regrets about your decision for your life.
Forgiveness is cleansing of the soul for if not do not you end up a basket case to others but more so for yourself. To forgive is hard but once done it you can walk tall and continue in your life’s direction. Forginess is more reality than we know these days. I know for I was forgiven for a huge mistake which affected a person that I loved the most. Forgiveness is never easy to hand over but it is the first step in healing oneself.
When you don’t practise the art of forgiveness you have to pay the pipper. Then if you embrace this art of forgiving, you gain peace, joy, gratitude and emotional and physical well-being. So the bottom line is to forgive you can live a freer and happier life in the present and this leads to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one that did the hurting. Please remember that to forgive is not forgetting what happen, but we need to forgive to advance, stay healthy and live the life we want.
Gordie after reading the question my thoughts wander into an area of not forgivingand what we have in today’s clusters of friends or someone we know. I hope we never get this deep in unforgiving another.
Lets look at what we can turn out to be 鈥業F鈥?we hang on to the pain, the cheat, the lies, the bitterness, the hatred; our life can suffer in many areas. The unforgiving person is paying the price repeatedly just like the robot welder in an automotive factory 鈥?24/7 production. However we do not have computer chips in our brain so we get so wrapped up in the wrong, the present is never enjoyable.
Some of the situation that I have experience through out my lifetime, and if you can relate to one, just maybe it is time to forgive and life in the present. Let’s start with the most common one being misunderstood because from this one you dwell on it so much you may stop eating regularly or not sleeping. Being in China for 7 years you hear gossip about something you never did or you have a chip on your shoulder and then the self pity comes oozing out every hole we have on our body. Once we get to this stage everyone and I mean everyone close to you don’t want to be around you from that you start drinking excessively or even worse taking drugs to control that imaginary fiend call pain or lost ego.
Then we move onto the danger areas, the piggy 鈥揹epression or anxiety. From that stage, like those 12 bottles of beer you have lined up on the table, being consumed to get even or worse a greater punishment which always result in self humiliation. I know that life can suck when we regret loosing a valued friend or loved one for at this stage life has no meaning or purpose. We end up feeling miserable of our present situation and then the beginning of this paragraph starts all over again and again until one day everyone read about you in the paper or is watching the news and your name is announced and now you are stat in government records.
So forgiving is really a health pill to be taken in stride from angry outburst, white lies, gossip and total misunderstanding what we say or have done to others. Forgiving is better than being an outcast or becoming a lone wolve. It (forginess) does belong in your private life or at work; staying healthy is a pill that is prescribed for a better life in the present for we canot stay in the past.
Hi Ernest,
That’s a lot to digest. It’s interesting that you look at how wrongs that need forgiving start – often with a white lie. Interesting.
I think you’re right that forgiving is like a pill that’s very good for our well-being. It may be hard to swallow, but it’s worth it.
Thanks for taking the time to write such a long comment.
Hi Gordie, great post and superb questions! I have taken time away from it to have a think for a few hours before I post a comment as I think it really does deserve to be thought about rather than straight off the hip.
I enjoyed reading Robert Braverey’s answer to question 1 indeed, but also have to side with Mike CJ’s answer too as I am a father of 2 young children.
Here’s my attempt anyway!
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
Yes, I actually do think that some things are unforgivable and one of them is the same answer as Mike CJ gave. If anyone was to “purposely” harm my children, family or friends, then I would “not” be able to. For someone to make a concious decision to harm them in any way does not, in my book, warrant forgiveness. They had the choice not to do it at some point.
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
I don’t really know, I have never really been in a situation where I have had to think that deeply about it. I have accepted apologies – but is that the same thing as offering forgiveness?
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
Hurt and pride I guess? I think we can all be hurt by someone elses actions against us either by mistake, mis-judgement or purposely. Sometimes it is hard for us to work out which one it is.
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
Personally I only forgive someone if they seem to either want it or need it for their own well being and if it suits my own. And I am talking about something not connected to the point above here. I certainly would not go out of my way to search them out and offer it. They had a choice not to create a situation where it would be necessary in the first place. I do not feel that I am in a position to walk up to them and ask them if they want my forgiveness. Who am I to do that?
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
No to the first question and No to the second. Even if the matter is a small one, to continue doing something that requires forgiveness over and over just shows a complete lack of respect and care on that persons part. Like so many others have said, they would not last long within my circle of friends anyway.
I might seem to have a holier than thou stand point here to some people, but I am someone who does not go out of his way to upset people. I may do so by sheer accident, but then I feel that it is up to me to make an effort to apologise. I feel that forgiveness should not be asked for – the person doing the deed should think it through first and be responsible for their own actions.
Remind me never to wrong you! Lol!
I agree that I don’t think I could forgive someone who would continue to wrong me. I like Ryan’s idea above. Just release them from your life.
Thanks for commenting, Chris.
This video was powerful and gave me chills. This is definitely a deep topic.
I would have to say that the murder of someone that I was close to and loved would be hard to forgive. I don’t know if I could. And i hope I never have to be placed in that position.
As for being able to forgive people who have hurt me…I have found it in my heart to do so.
Hi Patty,
Yeah, the video was really well done. After watching it a couple of times, I think that it could have had one improvement. I noticed the actors had no tears. They looked like they were crying, but were still dry. With tears, the video would have been perfect.
Hi Gordie!
I’ll pick #5:
Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
Good question! Looking deeply, at the source of all reasons people do things to hurt or wrong others, I try to consider the source of why the person is doing what he or she is doing. It is rarely because of something I may have done, but something deeper than that. It always points to something lacking on their life – a nurtured youth, money, acceptance, jealously, or a host of any other reasons not related to me, particularly. While it may appear to the person that I may be the source of their problem, I believe people are mirrors and see themselves when looking at others. Thus, the retribution toward his or her own reflection.
I feel sorry for people who feel their only option is to harm or hurt others. I do not protest when others act out in anger or vengeance who may have been harmed or wronged, but for me, I mostly just feel sorrow and compassion, because, certainly, the vengeful person is in a great amount of deep personal anguish or pain.
It is what it is.
Everyone is different in their approach to this – evident from your responses here today.
Great post!
Hi Lori,
Interesting point about people being mirrors where people see themselves. I’ve actually said to a few classes before that I’m their mirror. If the class is interesting, exciting and fun, it’s because they’re interesting, exciting and fun. If the class seems quiet and dull, it’s because they’re quiet and dull.
I saw the quote on Tina Su’s blog yesterday, “It is what it is”. It pretty cool.
Thanks, Lori.
Forgiving has always been difficult for us humans, especially when awe are continuously beleaguered by our oppressors. It is a divine act to forgive despite the injustice. Still, he who can manage to forgive despite the pain is truly on a higher plane of understanding.
Hey Walter,
I in awe of those who can so easily forgive as well. They have a special kind of power in my eyes.
hey gordie!!
first off: really love your site. magic flow super irresistible design, hard-edge slick graphics and raw-feel good content. glorious.
interesting questions. used to think such a thing as unforgivable existed.
not anymore.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
- no. people just act how they think they should and from impulses stemming from wanting approval and ultimately wanting to be separate or one with everyone else. yuck ego meh.
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
- realise that they are connected to you. see the humanity in their eyes and realise that life exists within them beneath the thin veneer of yuck destructiveness. just wrote massive article about this – would appreciate and dig your thoughts.
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
- because we take a position of scarcity, the whole ego thing – where we think that life is limited and so we become closed and protective and feel that it’s “us versus them” – forgiving feels vulnerable and we think that we have to fight to live. just more ego muck.
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
- forgiveness comes from you. they can ask or not but it comes from you. wanting them to ask isn’t real forgiveness. it’s you wanting to be right.
forgiveness is love and seeing the humanity and life beneath whatever you feel that they did “wrong”
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
- yes. forgive their impulse for being a savage selfish little mofvcker and realise that they’re doing it because they have these feelings of separation and wants. if you don’t forgive them you perpetuate the cycle of bleh. see the humanity in their eyes and completely love them – that breaks the cycle.
inspiring questions.
keep well and in touch mate
alex – unleash reality
Hey Alex,
Thanks for the compliments.
I think you’re right that forgiveness comes from you. Perhaps it’s to do with ego in some ways that requires us to first have someone ask for forgiveness.
Thanks for dropping by, Alex.
Hi Gordie. Your article really got me thinking. Until now, I still have not experience things I could not forgive. But at the same time, I could somehow imagine things that I would definitely find hard forgiving. Until that day comes, which I hope it won’t, I’ll reserve my answer. Great article.
Thanks Karlil.
It will be a real test when the day comes and a chance to learn more about yourself.
1. Is there anything that you believe is unforgivable? Why?
I dont believe there is anything that is unforgivable but there are things that are harder than others and that time will help you learn to forgive even the worse things
2. How do you go about forgiving someone?
first you must know that life goes on and that not forgiving someone is only going to hurt you. hate is painful thing to carry around
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to forgive sometimes?
its hard because we often choose to think about the pain and suffering they have caused and not to look forward
4. Do you require someone to first to ask for forgiveness and then you can forgive them or would you forgive them no matter what?
forgiveness is not something you give but rather something you have. You merely give up the pain you feel and the anger you have towards them and forgiveness is what you have after that
5. Could you forgive someone who you know will continue wronging you? Should you?
if you can forgive someone who has wronged you then the next time the wrong you feel will be less until you feel that they have stopped wronging you
These answers of course will depend on what they have done to you. The pain of lossing a little face in front of your friends is very different than the pain and suffering of lossing your family in a war. This is why world peace is so difficult to achieve. Most people choose to remember wars and the evil of the enemy instead of choosing to learn from it. Vengence only begets more vengence but we choose vengence because it is easier than forgiving
Hi Gary,
Great comments. I agree that the lack of forgiveness makes world peace so elusive.
i think people are selfish. They think about how they have been hurt, how they have lost something. It is all about “me”.
How does that help when we have greedy selfish people who cannot function with each other on this earth?
How easy is it to let it go and move on? There are some extreme cases obviously but for the most part is that 20 bucks your friend didn’t pay you really worth all the grief and stress your giving him/her?
I think when you think about other people and try to understand “Why did he do this. how can we solve the problem.” We break down walls and we find a way to work together for peace.
Nicely put, Mac.