Lifestyle Design – Three Ways To Know You’re Ready!

This is a guest post by Colin Hiles.

As I work with mid-lifers helping them design their freedom lifestyle, I’ve noticed three common themes that connect them all. On one level there are many things that differentiate each of them – age, stage in life, background, cultural influences, values – and yet, on another level, there are some subtle similarities. The purpose of this post is to explore those similarities whilst thinking about them from your own perspective.

So, how do you know you’re ready for lifestyle design?

1. You’re asking questions…lots of them!

“Who am I?” “What do I really want out of life?” “What is my definition of success?” “How do I achieve more meaning in my life?” “What am I here to do?” “What’s standing between me and life I want?”

Many of us hit a point in our lives where we start asking questions…lots of them. The trouble is we don’t know the answers to most of them. Asking lots of questions and not knowing the answers can be very unsettling – we like to be in the know. Knowing gives our lives certainty. But if we’re going to grow, we can’t avoid asking these sorts of questions of ourselves.

At some point, we have to hold a stop sign up to life and start reflecting, otherwise we run the risk of not finding the fun, freedom and fulfilment we’re searching for. Inner questioning is a critical element of finding greater meaning and self-fulfillment. If you persist in your questioning, you will be rewarded greatly. All the good stuff – love, peace, joy, happiness, contentment etc – will be revealed to you.

In your journal and under the heading ‘My Big Life Questions’ list all the burning questions you have right now. What are the most important ones you want answers to?

Heed these wise words from Rainer Maria Rilke…
“Be patient with all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek for the answers that cannot be given. For you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now and perhaps, without knowing it, you will live along, someday, into the answers.”

2. You’re reflecting on the past.

If we don’t want the past to equal the future, it’s important we give some thought to the past. After all, it’s our past that’s brought us to where we are right now, and whether that’s a good or bad thing, the past has to be honoured before we can move on. Moving towards our middle years may be unsettling, but it brings with it an opportunity to reflect on how we’ve played the first half of life, the decisions we’ve made, and to look at how we are going to change things starting today to make sure that we’re heading to the future we desire.

So what has happened so far? Have you lived and loved in your relationships in a way you want to in the future? Are you doing the kind of work that’s connected with your passion? Are you living beyond your means? Do you have the kind of bonds with your extended family and friends you’d like to have?

While many of us experience disappointment in the form of regrets and “what-ifs” when reflecting on our past, we must equally be willing to learn from our past – our choices and decisions that perhaps did not produce the life experiences we had hoped for. Getting answers to these questions can be very confronting, especially if you’ve invested a lot of time in your current career and you’re starting to wonder if it’s the right career for you, or maintaining your current lifestyle has put you in debt and you’re facing some big changes.

We are likely at this stage to describe ourselves as torn between two alternatives. We may feel torn between careers, one offering security and perks and the other offering challenge and heart connection. We may feel torn between lovers, unable to choose between the two, sometimes wanting both. We may feel torn between alternative lifestyles: for example, a metropolis existence with all its stresses and rewards or a simplified life with a lower income but more time in the beauty of nature.

In reality, we are torn between two selves: who we have been versus who we are becoming. This may be unsettling, but it brings with it the opportunity to think back over the decisions we’ve made and plan how we are going to change things to make sure we’re heading in the direction of a great future.

To help with moving forward, find the answers to the questions below:

What The Past Has Taught Me:

1. What have I learned from the first half of my life?
2. What lessons are there for me to see?
3. What have I learned about the world of work, bosses, and the meaning of work?
4. What have I learned about dysfunctional relationships, abusive partners and toxic friends?
5. What have I learned about my addictions? What have I learned about me as the result of the work-life choices I’ve made?

Here are some wise words from Soren Kierkegaard…
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”

3. You’re thinking about the future.

A major task during midlife is for us to assess where we have been and to set new, appropriate goals for the future. But first we must come to terms with the inner and outer changes we are experiencing. By midlife, we are hurriedly reaching for the goals we set for ourselves in our youth. But for many mid-lifers, motivation for these youthful goals begins to dwindle. The middle years can thus be a confusing time. There may be changes in our personal values; in our appearance, self-image, physical energy, and strength.

Our relationships may be changing. We may suffer from boredom or stress on the job, or lose interest in climbing the employment ladder. We may have new responsibilities toward aging parents and lessening responsibilities toward our children. And we may have to cope with changes that come with the deaths of parents, siblings, and friends. On top of that, we are increasingly aware of the ever-decreasing number of years we have left to live. This dawning realisation can wake us up to thinking seriously about our future direction and what we want from life.

Mid-life is a time to discard what we no longer need and lighten up for the journey ahead. You can start today by asking yourself one of life’s most important questions – what do I want? Not just once, but repeatedly. It’s from this deeper exploration that our inner wisdom starts to bubble up. So does hope and optimism. It’s here that our inner journey, our deeper exploration serves us well. It’s at this point we begin to realise the gift we’re receiving – the gift of being able to be conscious and honest about where we’re choosing to go.

As we gradually move in a new direction that’s more aligned with our inner truth, we experience a life complete with true and real dignity, harmony, inner peace and a high degree of self-worth and self-esteem – something we may not have experienced that much in the first half of our life. All the answers sit inside us. If we want to make a difference in the second half of our life, it really does come down to answering this important question over and over again – what do I want?

In your journal, free up your mind and pick a date in the future, somewhere between three to five years’ time. Imagine what your ‘future perfect’ looks like and start writing about it. Write about how you are living each day. Use these questions to get started:

My Perfect Future:

1. Where am I living?
2. What does my home look like?
3. How am I spending my leisure time?
4. Who is in my life?
5. What type of work am I engaged in?
6. How much am I earning?
7. How do I feel about myself?

Be expansive and creative, no limits.

I’ll leave you with some wise words from Marsha Sinetar…
“Life’s up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want.”

I will admit doing this type of work is not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Put pen to paper and think deeply about these questions…you won’t regret it.

Please share your experiences, thoughts, and anything else in the comments.

Colin Hiles helps midlife mavericks follow their smile, find their right livelihood and create their ideal life at www.midlifemaverick.com.

Related posts:

1. Powerful Written Goal Statements For Lifestyle Design.
2. Lifestyle Design Is NOT Dead!
3. The Lifestyle Design Anthem: “My Way”.
4. Lifestyle Design Begins At Home.
5. How Self-confidence Can Strengthen Your Lifestyle Design And Personal Development.