You’re A Bad Parent If …

Please read this article in its entirety and don’t skim, otherwise you’ll probably get very confused as to where I stand. This article isn’t just for parents; it’s for those who are currently non-parents, too. I’m not a parent, but I do produce sperm and therefore I should think about this issue.

Recently I came across Larry Winget’s blog. In his latest post Ten Signs You Are A Bad Parent, Larry, who appears to be personal development guru, says that you’re a bad parent if any of the following apply to you.

You’re a bad parent if:

Gordie’s take on Larry’s points (You’ll get your chance below).

You’re a bad a parent if:

1. You don’t know where your child is right now.

I’m not sure up until what age Larry defines a child, but when I was a teenager, it was common for me to just say to my parents, “I’m off to meet, Jim” or “I’m heading out, be back later.” We lived in a safe neighborhood and I never went far. My dad always told me that he trusted me and that he didn’t feel the need to keep tabs on my whereabouts every minute.

Is it possible for parents to police their kid’s every move? Should they? Kids won’t always stay in one place. Should you force them to always phone it when changing locations or you should you have them implanted with RFID chips?

It must be really hard keeping track of your child’s location all the time. The one thing that would make it easier is that most parents can afford to give their child a cell phone to use. I suppose children can conveniently call their parents anytime now. At a certain age during the teenage years, don’t you have to trust your kids and start to grant them some independence and responsibility? What are your thoughts?

2. Your child is obese.

I agree here. Except for extremely rear medical conditions, there’s no reason for your children to be obese. These days there are kids who are developing diabetes in their teenage years! This is shocking. Letting your kid get obese is proof that you’re not concerned as much as you should be about your child’s health. It’s really important that at least one and preferably both parents can cook healthy dishes that also taste good or hire someone who can. Don’t force your kids to eat soggy boiled lettuce and cabbage thinking that it’s healthy. You’re just going to turn them off vegetables for life.

3. Your child has a television in his or her bedroom.

I had a television in my room for a year or so when I was a teenager. I watched way too much TV that year. It meant I was spending less time with my parents as a whole. With young kids it’s hard to know if they’re watching something that’s inappropriate for their age. Having a TV in their room is also going to distract them from doing their homework or study.

4. You don’t know your child’s friends.

I think this depends. I don’t think you have to know all of them, or be “buddies” with your child’s friends. If you want to, you can invite some of your child’s friends around for dinner or a barbecue now and again and chat to them. How would you go about trying to get to know your child’s friends?

5. You tolerate disrespect from your child verbally or physically.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I agree with this 100%. I see the example of dysfunctional families portrayed on TV where the children are always talking back or even swearing at their parents. I believe that children need to be taught from a very young age that respecting one’s parents is important.

However, I would add that a parent should also show their children respect. You shouldn’t look at your child asking why he has to do something you tell him to do as disrespect. Respect your child by taking the time to reason with him. Parents, love to quote the Old Testament’s “Honor your father and mother”, but seldom quote the New Testament’s, “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children.” Respect needs to flow both ways.

6. You promise consequences for either good behavior or bad behavior and don’t deliver.

I agree with this. If you promise and then don’t deliver, your child will lose respect for you just as you would for someone else who does the same thing to you. Follow through on promises to your children and everyone else.

7. You don’t teach your child about money.

This is a huge failing, mainly because most parents don’t know squat about financial literacy ourselves . Forget about the education system teaching your children about money. They don’t do it. As a parent you should be first learning financial literacy and then passing that knowledge on to your child. The best book I believe you could give your teenagers to read is Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. You should first become familiar with it so your children can see you lead by example.

8. You don’t have open, honest communication with your child about sex; the dangers, consequences and joy of it.

I’m not sure what age is the right age to start telling your kids about sex. I know most schools in Western countries have sex education classes now. When I was younger, I didn’t want to imagine my parents having sex. I don’t think I could have coped if my Dad sat me down and said, “Son, let me tell you about what your mother and I do on the third Saturday of each month.” However, that’s probably due to me being immature at the time.

I think if the child asks about it, then the parents should definitely answer the child’s questions and offer advice. How would you go about initiating communication with your children about sex?

9. Your grown child still lives at home and mooches off you.

I’m sure when I read the post the first the first time “and mooches off you” wasn’t there. It may have been a late edit. Anyway, if your child who’s now an adult, lives at home, I think that’s fine if it’s for the right reasons. The right reasons are that they want to save money; they want to bootstrap a business; they want to look after their parents, etc.

However, I agree that an adult child shouldn’t be mooching off the parents. I think your adult children should be covering their costs of food and power as well as helping around the house. I don’t like the idea of parents charging rent in a way that makes a profit from children, though. However, if you see that your child is wasting money on going out and drinking a lot, or other wasteful and unproductive ways, I think it’s okay for you to ask him or her to move out of home.

10. Your own life is an example of what you don’t want your child to grow up and become.

I only agree here in part. You as parents should be leading by examples. However, there are situations where the parent sacrifices for the child. For example, first generation migrants from developing and third world countries may move to the West. The parents often let themselves fill in the lowest level jobs and work long hours for low pay in order to pay for their children’s education.

They don’t want their kids to grow up to be like them, so they become something they don’t want to be in order for their kids to have more opportunities and be something else. On the other hand, the children in this case could see that it’s important for parents to make sacrifices for their children.

Overall, I think that you should be leading your children by example as to the way to live well and happily.

It’s your turn now.

I’d love to hear from you parents and non-parents alike as to what you think of Larry Winget’s list of things that make you a bad parent. Also, go ahead and offer more advice below. Share with us your wisdom.

Related posts:

1. Is It Time For Parenting Permits?