“How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second you are carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff you have in your life and start with the little things the shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks: then start adding larger stuff, clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV – backpack should be getting pretty heavy now – and you go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home – I want you to stuff it all into that backpack.
Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office, and then you move to the people that you trust with your most intimate secrets, your brothers and sisters, your children, your parents, and finally your husband, wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend – and get ‘em into that backpack – feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake; your relationships are your heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets are compromising. The slower we move, the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live, symbiotically over a lifetime, star-crossed lovers, monogamous swans –
We are not swans, we are sharks.”
-George Clooney, Up In the Air
Weight On Your Shoulders.
It has been estimated that the biggest determinate of your happiness is the people around you; the relationships you develop and nurture.
Our social networks have expanded so much larger than people could have ever imagined just a few years ago that we are now connected to almost everyone in the world through social networks. However, the ones that determine a majority of our happiness are the ones that we communicate with daily.
What I took away from George Clooney’s speech is not only that you should get rid of the junk you have in your life but also get rid of the negative relationships, whether it’s your boss, husband, wife, or whoever it may be. All too often, I see people together that are completely miserable and are only staying with each other for one dumb reason or another. They wonder why they’re not happy. A hot coal is a hot coal, keep touching it and you’ll continually get burnt.
Do you really need that newest gadget, or that brand new $100,000 car? I like this quote that I recently used in one of my posts and feel it fits here also:
“We shape our buildings and afterwards our buildings shape us.”
-Winston Churchill
We shape our lives for all these things we “want” and eventually they start shaping who we are. Some people shape their lives to become famous only to turn their backs on the people that helped get them there. Some people shape themselves to make so much money because it will lead to “happiness” only to find out that they’re in a never ending rat race.
Weight Off Your Shoulders.
It’s time to take some weight off your shoulders.
It’s time for you to take inventory of your life, your possessions and your relationships. Who are you surrounding yourself with? If you’re surrounding yourself with negative people then what is making you stick around them? What are your reasons for giving yourself cancer?
I know it’s almost impossible for people to get rid of things they felt they earned. I bought a Playstation 3 at the beginning of the school year feeling that I “earned it” and was going to use it. I used it very little and just felt like I needed to have the newest PS3 Slim out because it was just that, “new.” It was so hard to sell that sucker too because I felt connected to it. I felt earned it. Once I finally did sell it, I realized I LIVED! Life went on, I felt more clear-minded and now I have one less thing “in my backpack weighing me down.”
Make sure you don’t get rid of things that are of value to you and help you achieve the lifestyle design you want.
Grow Some Balls.
Grow some balls, cut off your negative relationships and get rid of the stuff you do not need, and move on. Don’t expect to be remarkable or a linchpin if you’re constantly surrounded by the unremarkable. Don’t expect to be happy when you’re surrounding yourself with the things that make you unhappy.
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G'day! I'm Gordie, founder and editor-in-chief of Lifestyle Design For You. I want to welcome you to the center of the universe when it comes to lifestyle design and personal development blogs. We're a team of ten writers providing you with articles to help nourish your mind and improve your life. Lifestyle design is about designing your life so you can do what you want when you want. 
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Tanner, I couldn’t agree more. You need to ditch the losers. It’s tough but life is short and if others are weighing you down, they need to go. This is something that a lot of people don’t like to hear or deal with, but it’s their loss in that case. When you ditch those negative relationships it will feel like an enormous boulder has been lifted from your shoulders and your step will truly be lighter.
Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..Some More Books You Might Enjoy
Strongly agree. People never say burn bridges. If those bridges lead nowhere then burning them is your best bet to get to where you want to go.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Great article, Tanner, the idea of liberating your life is wonderful…
I’ve recently managed to discard a very negative influence on my life, and I feel so much better for it. Once I realised that this person was just eroding everything I did, and took steps to distance myself from them, it was exactly as you said – like an enormous boulder had been lifted from my shoulders.
Stuart´s last blog ..The Tomorrow Book by Jackie French.
Thanks Stuart!
I too have been bogged down for most of my life by cancers. I went throughout most of my high school and early college years hanging out with the wrong crowd. It got me nowhere, some of them died, some of them are in rehab, some of them are clean….Just thought I knew better.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Hey Tanner,
Great post, brother!
I’m sure there will be some people out there that will feel you’re a bit harsh when you say to get out of relationships that are weighing you down.
Some will want to know what your advice would be for a husband who feels constrained by being a father and husband and wants to get out, but he also knows that doing so will make it harder on his young kids. How long should he stay to try to improve the marriage and family life before dissolving the marriage?
Hey Gordie. Thanks!
I know, some people will go against what I say, but I see that as a good thing. It means I am challenging people’s thoughts and their motives.
A father should get away from a cancerous wife as soon as possible. I have watched sit through too much with my step mother. She single handedly ruined a whole family.
I do not know exactly how long he should try and improve his marriage, but it takes some balls to walk away from a marriage. Walking away from his kids though, that is being a coward.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Amen to that! Walking out of a bad marriage was the hardest thing I ever did. And I spent years struggling as a single mom. However, I was *free* and therefore we were, ultimately, happier. I think that staying in a cancerous marriage would’ve done more damage to the kids, ultimately.
“How long should he stay to try to improve the marriage and family life before dissolving the marriage?” Gordie, I don’t think Tanner here is any place to give that kind of advice.
“All too often, I see people together that are completely miserable and are only staying with each other for one dumb reason or another,” says Tanner.
I’ll tell you why most are miserable.
They are miserable, because
1. They’ve forgotten how to communicate.
2. They are too busy looking over the fence at greener pasture.
Instead of sparking a new flame maybe they should relight the one already lit.
Make your marriage work and restoring the love you once felt should be part of ones life style design not bailing out.
Rose´s last blog ..Why People use Twitter
Hey Rose,
If there were three things you would recommend people trying to attempt to repair their marriage do, where would you recommend they start?
Is there ever a time to bail out of marriage with children?
Thanks for covering me Rose!
But Rose, how beneficial is it to the children to have parents who don’t love each other anymore but stay together anyway?
Ben Lumley´s last blog ..Be a beginner
I don’t think a couple should ever stay together for the children.
I recommend starting with communication and intimacy. Those are the two things I often hear people complain about.
I think one needs to look deep within them-self to find what first attracted you to him/her. It is easy to loose sight of our partner in the day-to-day hyper routine of our lives .
When fighting let the past go, only bringing up past mistakes hurt each other more and more. Don’t point out each others short comings. We all have short comings. So what she doesn’t look the way you did when you first met her. Have you looked in the mirror lately? I bet you’ve changed too.
Concentrate on intimacy by touching each other more. The lightest touch can tell your partner you’ re still very much in love with them.
Ex: A peck on the cheek
A smile from across the room
I’m no expert on marriage, however I have been married 20 years. We’ve been through a lot in our marriage- Lost jobs, illness, the death of a daughter and we are still very much in love.
Rose´s last blog ..How to add a countdown ticker to your blog
Well said Tanner. I just saw this movie in the theater yesterday. I knew there was definitely some personal development lesson in there. While I’m not an advocate of his lifestyle in the movie per se, you make a valid point of cutting off negativity from your life. That’s one of the toughest things about the personal development journey. Sometimes the people you’ve know forever turn out to be the ones holding you back.
Thanks Srinivas.
Exactly. Like I said above, I hung out with the wrong crowd for most of my young adult life…Some of them OD’ed, some in rehab, some are clean. If only I could go back and choose a different path I would be light years ahead of where I am now. But, I am a proponent every path happens for a reason and some good will come out of it.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Tanner if I could go back I’m slap my younger stuff, but I can’t and as I reflect back to my past those mistakes made me who I am today. I learned from them.
Rose´s last blog ..How to add a countdown ticker to your blog
Interesting post, and taking it down a notch from personal relationships, it’s easier to equate this to the internet.
I’ve seen quite a big trend towards negativity online recently. People writing whole posts criticising other (usually much more successful) bloggers, then others jumping on the bandwagon with a bunch of links to them.
The beauty of the net is it’s easy to ditch that kind of baggage. Just stop visiting those sites, and free yourself from the spiral of negativity.
Mike CJ´s last blog ..Negotiating Skills for Bloggers
Mike CJ, I am glad you noticed the negativity on blogging lately as well. It seems to be everywhere. I do not really see the point of it.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Mike, it isn’t always as easy as you said. I’ve been the victim of such bullying in the past. They pulled every stop from emailing all my members, creating a webpage about me, getting past the ban I set, submitting me to a dating sites, emailing my book publisher with claims of infringement, abusive emails and etc.
It put a lot of stress on my life.
Can you imagine a blog/website created all about you? They post edited photos of you with offensive comments, hate messages about you, anything they think that discriminates you. They make horrible claims about you and even your family.
Rose´s last blog ..How to add a countdown ticker to your blog
I got to see Up In Air in theaters and I really liked Clooney’s motivational speeches that he had to give (even though he seemed to hate them, he realized their importance in the end).
I think the lesson goes to show how our possessions and obsessions can end up owning our life. To truly have something you must be willing to lose it. You have to be willing to lose it all, because ALL possessions are negative relationships if we depend on them for our happiness. This is one of the main lessons Buddha teachings on how to relieve suffering.
Great post!
Steven | The Emotion Machine´s last blog ..The Uses And Abuses Of Setting Deadlines
You summed it up perfectly in this sentence:
“I think the lesson goes to show how our possessions and obsessions can end up owning our life.”
Thanks for the advice and really like the way your thinking. If you have something you must be willing to lose it. Be grateful for what you have because it might not be there tomorrow.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
I love to use that “I earned it” excuse, and while I think it pays to reward yourself, it’s easy to lose sight of when you really do earn it.
It’s amazing how social media has changed the way that people view friends. Much simpler to dump a negative person online
Nathan Hangen´s last blog ..Podcast: 5 Year Plan
Hey Nathan, I am also guilty of the I Earned It excuse too many times.
It is much simpler to dump a person online but to cut off ties with a negative person that you’ve been attached to for years is harder to cut off with all th different ways to connenct.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
It’s amazing how much baggage we carry and develop over time. What’s worse is that it seems, often, difficult to loose.
We tend to make life too complicated, then wonder why we struggle so.
Robert Bravery´s last blog ..Is Blogging Dead?
Hey Robert.
So true, I think of all the little things I buy that add up and just cause so much clutter in my life. Cutting ties is so tough to do, but once done, it feels so good. It feels like a gift.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Very fine post, Tanner.
This is a good lesson for those who continue to tolerate negativity in their lives. At some point you really have to take a hard look at this situation and evaluate it for what it is. It can be tough, particularly when someone who is close to you is the source of negative energy. But what’s most important to you, your negative friends or your positive forward motion toward the lifestyle you really seek?
If it is the latter, we know what we have to do. Like blogging, it won’t be easy, but we just have to get it done.
Jimi Jones´s last blog ..Gaining Momentum While Blogging
Hey Jimi,
Thanks a lot! So true, it can be one of the toughest things to do. But like tht old saying, something about cutting it lose and if it comes back then its meant to be.
We only live once, if what is important to you in life is getting bogged down, time is running out. Like George said the slower we move, the faster we die.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
I saw Up in the Air, and the backpack presentation was spot on.
Decent movie, seems like an interesting lifestyle…Probably one I would not mind being young.
Nice Tanner.
I used to have a really heavy life but have spent a while stripping out the fat and getting down to a great fight weight, so to speak.
Thanks for sharing
Ben Lumley´s last blog ..Be a beginner
Thanks a lot Ben! Good for you, I too used to have a heavy life. Now it feels like I am grooving through life with the occasional bump here and there.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Great article, Tanner
I haven’t seen Up in the Air but plan to.
There are some great nuggets of truth in what George Clooney says and you have expanded upon. It can be very hard to take a good, long look at each of your relationships with people and examine them to see if they bring you down or uplift you. I think that’s very necessary to get rid of toxic people in your life and to spend more time with people who lift you up and are positive influences in your life.
Good discussion here.
@Gordie – just a comment about your question. Maybe you can rephrase the question ‘Is there ever a time to bail out of marriage with children?”. The word ‘bail’ has a bad connotation and if you change your mindset around this word, to one that is more positive, such as ‘Is there ever a time to respectfully dissolve a marriage where children will be affected” (or something like that). It will move your mind towards under what circumstances that would occur and change your mindset to a solution.
Karen
Thanks a lot Karen. Up In the Air is a pretty decent movie. He lives an interesting lifestyle, one I could see myself doing while I am young.
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Hey Karen,
Yeah, I suppose bail out does have a negative connotation. I think dissolve sounds more neutral. Thank, for the suggestion.
Regarding possessions – I used to feel that I deserved things, too. Part of the legacy of growing up poor, probably.
But, having priorities in life regarding your use of money is the key here, I believe. Knowing that the amount of money you make per hour can either buy you your freedom or another pair of shoes (for instance) puts things into perspective.
Karen
Karen´s last blog ..Are Books Worth The Money?
Thanks a ton for that last sentence. That is quote worthy and will definitely remember it! I just got done reading Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath and that is a thought made to stick!
Tanner´s last blog ..The Paleo Diet Going Mainstream
Great post! So much stuff in our lives that bogg us down. Like all the clothes in our closets, but only a few that we wear most of the time.
Well, I just would like to say thanks and kudos for posting information like this. I have been searching the net this morning and I am glad I found this site. I’m just glad that Internet has been invented, I don’t have to leave my own house and go somewhere whenever I need something. I am still amazed that experts like you are this easy to reach.. THANKS A LOT!